Monday, July 6, 2015

#MicroblogMondays: An infertile's bucket list

Not sure what #MicroblogMondays is? Read the inaugural post which explains the idea and how you can participate too.

Two Sunday's ago, Grey and I abandoned our usual weekend morning routine and packed the Beats in the car for a trip to the zoo. Despite our local zoo being less than 3 miles away, it had been years since we last ventured through those gates. Grey was nervous for what would unfold as both Beats were fully in toddler mode. To his relief and delight, the 2 hours spent there were ones where both kiddos ran along the paths, stopped briefly at each exhibit to wave "hi" to the various animals, all the while wearing themselves out for a nice long nap for the whole crew. 

Like many, I've always had a list of activities I assumed I would be doing one day when I had children. Trips to the zoo, the aquarium, local museums, the beach and even the park were givens. After a diagnosis of infertility and multiple failed rounds of treatment, that list became front-and-center in my life of places both to avoid and assuming we would never get to experience. In the midst of the darkness, these places became reminders of what we didn't have and assumed would never be.

Before our last treatment cycle, David and Dee actively challenged this list I had generated. Why was I excluding myself from places and opportunities that I once loved? The fictional banner that I draped over these places was doing me more harm than good and considering most young parents were reclaiming bars, why could I do the same.

So, with guidance, I created a bucket list to counter infertility. A list of things I would once again embrace in order to reclaim the life I deserved to be living. Trips to the bench, visits to local parks, berry picking, hiking local trails, etc all came to the forefront. And for those things that didn't appeal without a younger human in tow, a promise to bring a child that was in my life along as a way of capturing the experience.

This summer has been one where we've been going through that last portion of the bucket list. And though I am taking the Beats along with me on these adventures, I'm still acutely aware how different these experiences are now that we have resolved. 

11 comments:

  1. The bucket list to counter infertility sounds like a great idea, wish I'd known about it at the time! But I'm also thrilled that you're getting to experience all those things with the Beats now.

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  2. This post resonates with me because I found that I had unconsciously put places aside, too.

    I'm glad you're knocking things off the list these days, and not just because you are doing them with the Beats.

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  3. I think about this too, sometimes ... how the experiences are so different now that my daughter is my daughter, in living color. It was brave of you to create a bucket list of things you would do, and strategize ways to do them, even if you had to borrow a child to do so ... but I'm so glad that you are living that list with the Beats.

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  4. I decided (quite a few years ago) to reclaim places that I had been avoiding - or to reclaim events (ie Christmas), as they weren't just for kids or for parents and kids. I think there's a time when we feel strong enough to say, "I want to do this, and I don't care if there will be kids there."

    Still, my husband's first trip to our local zoo for many years was a month or two ago when we took my niece. That was fun.

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  5. I love the idea of an infertility bucket list, a reclaiming of "young family" places. I am dying to go berry picking, but I had avoided it at popular places because of all the pictures of my friends and their children gleefully coating themselves in blueberry or strawberry juice. I haven't been to the zoo. Maybe we should go this summer. I love this list and I'm glad that you're almost through it! Sounds like a great time.

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  6. What a neat idea. So glad you are enjoying life with your little ones. I don't think I ever avoided places or events exactly, but I think infertility made me lose interest in a lot of things. For example I used to love Christmas and the past two years I've been "meh, whatever." I thought finally having a child would make me interested in things again but it hasn't, I'm going to have to work at it.

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  7. I love this idea of taking back places or experiences. I'm trying to think of places or activities I avoided. It wasn't much, though those places or activities often made me actively sad. I don't know why I kept doing them. Like going to Disney.

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  8. Oh I totally have an infertility bucket list!

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  9. A long-standing aversion to 'bucket lists' aside (for much for the same reason I never read/viewed 50 Shades..., Harry Potter books/movies, Oprah recommendations, etc. -- the herd mentality runs counter to my 'color outside the lines' philosophy) ... I am delighted that you are applying a new consciousness to your activities xo

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  10. Glad you are reclaiming these places, with the twins in tow! I haven't been to the zoo in years, since our oldest nephew was a toddler. Hmmm, the pandas are still there on loan from China... ;) P.S. I have never been to Disney and I would LOVE to go. Dh thinks I'm nuts, but then, he's already been there, pre-me. ;)

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  11. I love that you have a bucket list. It's something I know I have in the back of my mind, but never actually wrote down. I bet we are both doing a pretty good job of crossing things off that list. I'd love to get our kids together somewhere awesome this summer and enjoy the miracles we created.

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